In Psalm 18:6 it says:
“In my distress I call upon the Lord, to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry reached his ears.”
This is probably my favorite verse over the last two years because most of my prayers are said in distress and I picture my prayer floating right up into one of God’s gigantic ears. The chapter goes on to say that it angers him:
“Smoke rises up from his nostrils, he bowed the heavens, he flashed forth lightings, the channels of the seas were seen (WOW), the foundations of the world were laid bare. He sent me from on high he took me; he drew me out of many waters. He rescued me from my strong enemy (illness).”
BUT THE LORD WAS MY SUPPORT, verse 19 (love this one too).
“He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me!
I have no idea what is going to happen with my health. I know God is able to heal but I also know that when he chooses not to, the bible says:
“ALL things work together for the good for those who know God and are called according to his purposes.”
While it is true that I have suffered horribly over the last 6 years, I have seen so much good come from it. I wouldn’t choose to voluntarily repeat this whole fiasco, but man, Aaron and I and my kids are different, better, more caring, more compassionate people now. Just like living with my handicapped brother Kevin shaped my life for the better, so too has this shaped the lives of my little family.
Yesterday when I went in for my MRI they filled me with a terrible chemical (like I don’t already have enough issues) so that they could take a better picture of my brain. I had terrible tremors all day yesterday. My muscles were curling into tight little balls, and I couldn’t stretch out my limbs. It was excruciatingly painful and I couldn’t control by body temperature. I was either freezing, and needed a shower. or burning up and wanted to lay in bed in a t-shirt. I did however, have a lovely time with my personal chauffeur Sherri Shaffer. We giggled like teenagers – it was a blast!
But by nightfall, I was exhausted and fell asleep without blankets in a t-shirt. I woke up at 1 am FREEZING. When I’m exposed to any extreme temperatures my body immediately starts to tremor. So when I awoke, my entire body was essentially stuck in an ongoing tremor from my chin to my toes. I was stuck in a tremor. I was so cold and I needed a warm bath.
I left the door open so Aaron could hear me in case I needed help. This was a HUGE mistake. I filled up the bath and it felt great for a couple minutes. Then before I knew it I was over-heated. But I couldn’t react, because I was once again stuck in a tremor from my chin to my toes. I couldn’t even yell for help. The tub filled up around my body, while I quietly convulsed. Within moments the water began to spill over onto the floor and seep out on the carpet in the closet, and then into our bedroom. As soon as the tremor released my jaw I yelled for help. When Aaron pulled me out of the tub I just stood there, I held onto him, butt naked. It was so scary not being able to cry for help.
I’ll tell you what – I have had to learn through this whole experience that it is OK to ask for help ALL the time. And now I’m even thankful for the ability to do so. Take nothing for granted people. There may come a day when you can’t even ask for help, and what a shame it would be if pride or fear had kept you from letting people meet a need in your life (thanks Tracy for that tid bit of wisdom).
As I write, water is continually dripping from the ceiling in the living room. The towels are still in the bathtub from last night. While I was in the tub I was listing to praise and worship music on my phone and so my new phone got soaked. It no longer rings, it only vibrates. Please text me for now while I hope it dries out, or until I have to purchase another one.
And while this letter has been a joy to write to you all, sadly my energy is dissipating. It comes and goes so quickly. I gotta just roll with it when I have it and rest when I don’t. Today my friend Stephanie is my personal chauffeur to my doctor appointment. My friend Cheryl is going to be packing up my house with my sweet Mom. Chrissy and Daryl are helping Dereck with the two summer school classes he is taking (yep I put all my kids in summer school) and they all rock!!!
People keep showing up and packing for me and every night for weeks we have had food for dinner and enough leftover for lunch. We are so blessed it is amazing. Thank you all for loving on us so abundantly.
Please join me in praying for my urgent need. The first week of July, I will settle with State Farm concerning my second auto accident dating back to March 2011. Because my health was already so precarious, this accident sent me spiraling downward. I have yet to recover.
I need $20,000 to attend the Gerson Institute Clinic in Tijuana in 4-6 weeks from now. I have been feverishly getting my medical records together and financial documents in order (in between my tremors) to make this happen. I have wanted to go for over 2.5 years but financially it has been too daunting. But I feel like I can’t wait any longer.
This figure isn’t unrealistic. I believe we can get really close to that dollar amount, or even abundantly more. We need every penny to pay off recently accrued medical bills and pay for the ongoing organic 2 year diet I will be undergoing. Yep that is right, no sugar, no flour, no salt, and 4 coffee enemas a day – and I can’t wait!!!!! Why, you ask? Well, I’m doing about 1/20th of the program at home already and after a coffee enema I have about 1-4 hours of the most fabulous pain reduced living I have experienced in 6 years. I have my “pain free” personality back and I love to be with my family and love on them, and talk with them and my friends and I just can’t get enough of life, like I normally am when I’m not in pain – except I’m always in terrible pain. It is phenomenal, and you must do the juice and the enemas in conjunction. I’m desperate to live and live well. If I have to do coffee enemas, so be it. I feel so good doing a fraction of this program I can’t wait to implement the full thing.
I will keep you all updated. Until next time…