lyme voice struggling for normalcy imageI sat last night at an end of the year banquet for Dereck and the R4 Robotics team. They have achieved so much in so many areas. They had a very moving slide show that encompassed the last  four years of the team.

Even though Dereck is younger than many of the core team members. He has been a key part of the team and has traveled all over the state with them for the last 3 summers. As the pictures continued to flash across the screen, Dereck changed from a 10 year old, into the 15 year old he has become.

I was already crying because these kids have had such amazing opportunities under the careful watch of Shelly Gruenig. But then the loss started to seep into my mind as I realized that Shelly has more pictures of my son than I do.

I cried because in a room filled with 80 people, I know very few of them by name, and yet our lives have been woven together for years. I cried because I haven’t gotten to be apart of the festivities, the planning, or the competitions.I cried because once again as I struggle to regain “normalcy” I have to wrestle with the losses that have wrapped themselves around every aspect of my life.

I think one of the hardest parts about extreme loss is that when you muster the stamina and strength to once again participate in something. You then have to wrestle with the emotional weight of how extremely abnormal your life had become. And right in the middle of trying to be normal, you are once again astutely aware of all that was lost. I wonder when the waves of grief will cease to wash upon the shores of my life?

3 Comments on Struggling for Normalcy …

  1. Stephen
    June 5, 2015 at 4:56 pm (2 years ago)

    I love the way that you’ve described this aspect of chronic challenge (like Lyme). I’m at home right now in part of the daily detox ritual while receiving text message photos of my family at the rock climbing gym. On the one hand, I’d love to be there….on the other, I’m so happy to be at home doing something that hopefully helps heal the body. It is useful to be reminded that there is more to this life than this life. Under that context I trust that staying home for treatments is honoring to myself, friends, family, and to God.

    Reply
  2. Learn more
    August 13, 2015 at 12:34 am (2 years ago)

    After reading this post, Personally i think like I can really trust you.

    Reply
  3. Kelly Hall
    March 14, 2017 at 5:47 pm (5 months ago)

    This is so powerful. Although my three girls who are profoundly deaf do not have lymes’s, they have suffered from chronic digestive illness and physical pain and deep emotional pain. A part of our lives that so few people understand is how the ongoing grief for our losses continues to impact our daily lives. This blog post is so affirming

    Reply

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